It's my birthday today.

Lessons and hard truths I've learnt this past year.

Today, I turn 22. (it was on the 18th actually, i forgot to post this. sorry. have a baby pic to make up for it)

And for the first time in a long time, I’m not bracing for the day. I’m not trying to feel “ready” or make the moment more cinematic than it is. I’m just sitting with it. Letting the softness of reflection settle before the noise of the candles and captions. Last year, I celebrated my 21st with going to Egypt and Jordan, while also getting a party on the actual day when i got back from my trip. I look back now, and I can count on one hand the amount of people I have stayed in touch with since June 18 last year that attended that party. I have learnt a lot about places, people, relationships and understanding. And today, I want to take a minute to share some of that with you.

This past year held so much. I travelled across continents. To Egypt, China, Jordan, Indonesia, Fiji, Sweden, Norway, Finland and I grew my platforms, stepped into new roles, said yes to modelling, said yes to being a tribute artist, and yes to new friendships. I worked as a paralegal by day and wrote by night. And somewhere in the middle of it all, I opened my heart again to someone new, special and kind. One thing I think that sticks out the most is how much I am able to fit into my life. I have a lot of things in the works, a lot of things I am currently doing and I still manage to fit it all in. At the start of being 21, I really felt like I couldn’t manage it all. I felt like I was doing too much, or maybe I needed to stick to one thing. But as time went on, and I discovered new passions amidst fallouts and breakups, I realised that I seriously don’t have to be one thing. I can be anything and everything I want to be, and that is what I am currently doing now, and I continue surprising the people around me with new talents, hobbies and passions, because life is simply too short to give a f#^k about not doing anything I want to do.

I reassure myself that: I contain multitudes, and I no longer feel guilty for it.
I don’t have just one “thing.” I’m not just a student or just a writer or just a content creator. I can model, advocate, create, love, perform, and show up in ten different versions depending on the day and none of that makes me lost. It makes me layered.

Yes, sometimes it’s overwhelming. Sometimes I feel like I’m juggling five lives at once. But I’ve learned to manage it better. To let go of perfection. To trust my own rhythm.

Another lesson I’ve learned is how:
I’ve gotten so much better at letting people go.

I used to take it soooo personally when people stopped showing up, when messages got shorter, when plans were always “next time” or “yes we should catch up” but we never do. Now? I take it with a grain of salt. Not everyone has the capacity to care deeply, and not everyone who says “I’m here for you” means all versions of you. Some just mean the easy parts. And that’s okay. I’ve learnt to meet people where they are at and accept how much they are willing to give me. This has been crucial in deciphering how much I should give back. I’ve stopped begging to be chosen where I’m already being overlooked.

This year taught me that detachment isn’t always cold; sometimes, it’s survival. I’ve learned to read the quiet signs: when someone’s care is fading, when effort becomes obligation, when someone stops listening not because they’re busy, but because they no longer want to understand. And instead of trying to twist myself into someone they’d stay for, I simply leave first.

I used to think all the time how i hate it that i still think of everyone i’ve ever loved. that they’re no longer in my life but i still think of them. why? is this karma? i never liked it. i wanted to forget them like they have forgotten me. But I can’t. I carry memories like open wounds and some nights, i swear i miss people who probably don’t remember the sound of my voice. And that’s okay.

It also ties into changing paths, you see people’s priorities easier, and whether they match with yours or not. A girlfriend of mine wanted to go overseas to a country that is known for influencers making content, and I recently travelled a lot this past year and I knew deep in my heart that it wouldn’t be a good idea to go travelling with her to this particular place. Knowing her, she likes the glamour, the photos, the status and stuff; which is totally okay. But I like to travel to visit the towns no one else goes to, learn about the culture and try foods that are different to what I normally eat. She didn’t want to do that. And now that I realised her priorities, the type of person she is, we don’t actually talk that much anymore. And although I would have so much fun with her when I was 18-19, I realise that we are on different paths now, and that’s not a sad thing, its just something that happens.

And I’ve grown to understand people more too. Why they don’t text back. Why they lash out. Why they disappear without goodbye. Most of the time, it’s not about me. But some of the time, it is. It’s about where they’re at, what they can carry, what they don’t know how to express and vice versa. And instead of spiralling, I give them grace. Gave myself grace. Quietly. Without needing closure.

In love, I’ve learned even more. That a healthy relationship thrives best without distractions and without those blurred friendships that walk the line of “it’s nothing” and “but what if.” I’ve had guy friends, best guy friends, and whatnot but now I know: peace looks like clarity. No crossed boundaries. No “don’t worry about him.” Just mutual respect and space to grow without the background noise and without those people that may not have the best interests out for me or only desire me physically.

I’ve also learned that privacy protects peace. I share so much online. On TikTok, on here, on Instagram through fragments and feelings but none of it is the whole picture. And that’s intentional. People know what I let them know. They feel close, and I love that, but I’ve started keeping one sacred piece for myself. A version of me that no one gets to scroll through. A piece of my heart that doesn’t perform. That privacy has become a kind of sanity. And I think doing this or reassuring myself of that fact has in turn served as a constant reminder not to compare myself to other girls or successful figures I see online. It reminds me that everything I consume is curated, edited, and not the full picture. And I hope that other creators do the same when it comes to keeping a piece of themselves for themself, but it helps me remember that not everything I see is real, and that comparison is the thief of joy. Always.

I’ve done a lot this year. And yet, what I’m most proud of is how I held myself through it all. Without becoming bitter. Without losing softness. Without apologising for evolving.

So here’s to 22:
A year for fewer apologies, deeper friendships, louder laughter, and softer exits.
A year where I don’t chase what’s leaving. I open the door!

-D